Welcome to part two of the Procurement Phrasebook. If part one covered the language of opportunity, this one tackles the language of reality.
“The contract may be extended subject to satisfactory performance.”
Translation: If this works, we are not running this again any time soon.
“This is an exciting opportunity to support a high-profile public sector transformation programme.”
Translation: The programme has already been running for three years. The original budget has been revised twice. The programme director has changed four times. This procurement exists because the last supplier declined to renew.
“Responses should be written in plain English and avoid unnecessary jargon.”
Translation: Responses should be written in plain English, submitted via the XML upload function on a portal built in 2009, as a PDF that is also an Excel workbook, using the pricing template that has macros disabled, in a font no smaller than Arial 11 except in Appendix C where it must be Times New Roman 12, and uploaded in three separate parts, none of which can exceed 10MB.
“The authority is committed to supporting social value outcomes through this procurement.”
Translation: Please fill in the social value spreadsheet. No one is entirely sure what happens to it afterwards, but it is worth ten percent so do not leave it blank.
“Please do not include any company branding, logos or identifying information in your response.”
Translation: Please submit an anonymous response so that the evaluation is fair and unbiased. The fact that only one company in the country does this specific thing at this specific scale should not be taken as an indication of a predetermined outcome.
"This framework represents a strategic sourcing solution enabling efficient call-off arrangements.
"Translation: You have spent £15,000 bidding for the privilege of being invited to more bids. There is no guarantee of work. You have joined a pyramid scheme administered by the Crown Commercial Service.
“We will notify unsuccessful suppliers in writing.”
Translation: You will receive an automated email at 4:47pm on a Friday afternoon. It will contain one sentence. It will not contain your scores. It will invite you to request a debrief, which will be scheduled for six weeks from now with someone who was not on the evaluation panel.
“The mobilisation period will be four weeks.”
Translation: We needed this yesterday.
“This document does not constitute a commitment to contract.”
Translation: None of this is a promise. Not the timeline, not the specification, not the award criteria weighting and certainly not the bit where it said you were welcome.
"The authority reserves the right to cancel this procurement at any time and is not liable for any costs incurred by participants."
Translation: The authority reserves the right to cancel this procurement at any time and is not liable for any costs incurred by participants. (No translation required. This one means exactly what it says, and it says it with the calm confidence of an organisation that has done it before (and in some cases, many times)).
“The Authority is committed to transparency and welcomes feedback."
Translation: Send your complaint to this email address. It is monitored by an intern who left three months ago.
"Your pricing was not competitive"
Translation: You priced it properly.
What the portal says at 11:58 on deadline day: “Submission in progress...”
Translation: Panic.
And yet, here is the part that rarely makes it into the joke versions.
When a procurement notice goes live, most contracting authorities genuinely want strong submissions. They are trying to solve a real problem, often under budget constraints, governance rules and time pressure. On the other side of the portal is usually a person who is just as constrained by the system as you are. Understanding that does not make the file upload faster. But it does make the process slightly more human.
At Complete Tenders, we help SMEs navigate public sector procurement without losing their sanity. From interpreting specifications to strengthening social value responses and managing clarification strategies, we make sure you are not just translating the language of procurement but using it to your advantage.
If you are preparing a submission and want a strategic edge rather than guesswork, get in touch with Complete Tenders today. Let’s turn the phrasebook into a win.
